My mask is one that is painted with jovial energy. My mask is one that covers every inch of my body. My mask is one that makes everyone around me feel happy and at ease. However, I have recently been journeying through some rather difficult moments that have forced me to take off that mask.
In this blog post, I wish to talk about depression. Mental illness is something that is hidden within society. People have chosen to disregard this disease as something that is ugly. Many people assume that depression can simply be healed through “being happy”; however, that is simply not the case. Mental illness is truly a disease that not only affects your mood, but it can debilitate an individual.
I am a person who enjoys life. I find such incredible joy and happiness from being with and around people. My energy comes from interaction with others. However, over the past couple of years, I have been struggling with depression. This illness actually made me unable to get out of bed at times. It made me isolate myself from my friends and family. It made me feel ugly and it stripped me of the joy that I found in life.
Many people do not know this but in October of 2010, I hit rock bottom. It was late at night and I simply felt like I had no reason to live. I know those words might sound harsh and even selfish, but I ask that you not judge the truth behind those words, rather hear them as they are meant to be heard. Depression is an illness that cannot simply be healed; rather, it is a challenge that must be taken on every day. I decided to be vulnerable in this space because I believe that depression needs to be something that is overcome in community; depression is simply something that cannot be worked through in isolation. I have chosen to share my story with you because I believe that it is a story that many can relate to. I believe that through openness and honesty, this illness can be truly transformed into something that can be dealt with through love and vulnerability.
According to the World Health Organization, someone around the globe commits suicide every 40 seconds. For people between the ages of 15 and 44, suicide is actually the fourth leading cause of death. These statistics are growing every year, and yet still, this illness is seen as something that an individual must hide. I wish this post to be a declaration that depression does not need to hold such a negative stigma within society.
In December of this year, I decided to become more open about my struggle with depression. I had been on medication for about four months and through the encouragement of others, I decided to share my story with some of my close friends in an attempt to help them understand my journey as well as to reduce the negative stigma that is associated with depression. I began explaining my experience on that dark night in October as the lowest point I have ever been in my life. The friend that I was talking with simply said that he did not believe that depression was an illness, rather that I must simply “be happy”. The words that he used made me feel like I had lost all of the progress I had made. However, after that day, I learned that that was my purpose in sharing my story with others. Depression remains something that is buried beneath broad smiles and fancy clothes; it is my duty as someone who has and still is experiencing this debilitating disease to experience those interactions and remain vulnerable. It is only through communication and dialogue that this stigma can be reduced. As I continue to be open about my struggle with depression, I have found many people who have hidden the same skeleton for a long time. I hope that you will journey with us in this fight against the negative stigma that surrounds mental illness. In addition, I ask you to take off the makeup that hides your scars or the bandages that seems to be holding your wounds together. It is okay to feel pain, it is okay to bleed.
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