This past week, I was talking with an old friend; we were discussing the future and what that looks like for both of us. My friend explained that she was utterly terrified of what was to come because “everything was going to change”. Right now, my life seems to revolve around this word. Everyone keeps telling me that “my life will change because of my time in India”; but what if I don’t want to change? What if I am actually afraid of change? After our discussion, I continued to think a lot about change and how people deal with change. In my head, I think of change as something beautiful. It is something that allows new life to grow, it makes room for new relationships, and it pursues strength through uncomfortable situations. But if this is true, why do we constantly yearn for a schedule? Why do our bodies work in a way that wakes us up at 8:00am and allows us to grow drowsy at 11:00pm? Why do we choose to live the way that the masses live? Why are we so afraid of a six letter word that is supposed to lead to unlimited possibilities?
I have discovered, through a few sleepless nights, that change is super scary but I think that that’s okay. I know some of you may think I’m crazy; that something that that makes you lose sleep, refrain from eating and sometimes even vomit is “okay”, but let me explain…
Just about two and a half years ago, I went on a very brief trip to Ecuador. When the trip was over, Brian, one of the leaders on the trip, introduced me to his friends in his Canadian home. However, he not only introduced me to the amazing people that would soon turn into my family; rather, he invited me into this community of friends and gave me space to grow with these new people in a transformative way. In September of 2009, I moved into a little white townhouse with people I had never met before with a whole lot of faith in change. I never could have guessed that the people that I moved in with would soon become the people that helped to shape me into who I am today. As I began to reflect upon how much I have changed over the last few years, I am truly amazed at the difference. I am so thankful for those people who have truly grown into my family over the past couple of years. I know that sometimes the chaos of life can make me forget the amazing treasures that I have found in the people who make up my community, so I would like to take a moment to say Thank you:
Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to be “me” even if that is someone very different from everyone else. Thank you for your honest questions, especially the ones that I am uncomfortable answering. Thank you for your celebration of awkward moments...through clapping or the “turtle”. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with me. Thank you for protecting me and standing up for me at times. Thank you for challenging me to live a life without judgement. Thank you for expecting me to be “real”. Thank you for letting me call in the middle of the night. Thank you for teaching me and seeing my immaturity as a blessing. Thank you for loving me and sharing life with me. Thank you for your acceptance. Thank you for laughing with me, thank you for hurting with me. Thank you for doing life with me.
So, to be completely honest…right now is the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. This fear comes out of a place of uncomfortability, loneliness and my inability to control what the future may hold. However, through reflection over the past two years, I have discovered that without taking that leap, I would never have become the individual that I am today. I challenge you all to thank those in your life this week who have helped you to change. I challenge you understand that fear, many times, accompanies change…but so does new, amazing, incredible opportunities. It’s okay to fear change, just don’t let that fear immobilize you.
p.s. I have decided to swap the word “change” for “growth”. It sounds a little less scary, anyone agree?
Cute blog! I think the change (in this case) will equal growth. You also have to remember what that change is going to be and keep it in perspective to your current life. The change will probably be different for each of us. And even though growth is less scary than change we must also accept the inevitable...
ReplyDelete-Sebastien :)
Something that has helped me in my life is knowing that I can "always change". Let me explain because I'm not as eloquent a writer as yourself. When I moved to Canada three years ago, I was scared. It was a new country, new people, starting university, everything was changing and I was frightened. However, something that brought comfort was knowing that, "hey, if this turns out to be a bust, I'll do something else." I control the change in my life. I'm not stuck. Things are always changing, but you don't have to simply submit. I hope that this brings you comfort. While you can not stop change, you can always cause it. Its empowered me. I hope it does the same for you.
ReplyDeletein all honesty and no intended cheese. you have had a impact in my life that has had its impact. Although our friendship hasn't made any abrupt changes in who I am I think you have uplifted parts of me that needed uplifting and strengthened parts that needed strengthening. You have an amazing energy and life to you that few people posses and which deserves to be celebrated. I think you will only continue to develop into an even more amazing person..with change. So Glad I have met you through this amazing program.
ReplyDeletePublic Affection for the one and old Nicole :)
Thanks for a good read!
See you in the morning!
(hope ur getting more sleep then me tonight)